Indeed, why learn how to settle for crumbs when you could work on your codependency issues, become healthier, and attract someone who is also healthy?
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a healthy relationship, of course.
Frankly, I think most humans want to love and be loved.
Then again, and this might be more difficult for you to fathom, your partner might have left you because that person did not see you as capable of having the healthy give and take kind of relationship he or she desired.
While you might have thought you were making yourself more desirable by trying to do everything you could to please your loved one, this could have actually turned the emotionally healthy person off.
If she has Borderline Personality Disorder, you might have found her very exciting sexually, for instance, and so you don’t want to give her up.
Yet, the way she keeps going back and forth between you and this other man is driving you crazy. I was constantly doubting myself (my co-dependency issues). Some People Rarely Change No Matter How Much They Want You to Believe Otherwise As a woman, you want to be very careful you don’t leave an abusive relationship, only to have him reappear perhaps with champagne in one hand and flowers in the other, trying to convince you he is a changed man and if you will come back, he will never abuse you again. After he gets you back, he is likely to become more controlling yet. But he’s going to make sure that never happens again. R hahaha, all control freak jerks say your too sensative or im just kidding...argh, i hate their degrading sarcasm!In case you are a man reading this article, there are women out there who like to play the approach-avoidance game, too. She might keep moving back and forth between you and a former boyfriend or husband. good for you to move on, it took me years to heal from the mental abuse from a man i was in love with.But when he grows bored or indifferent--o even worse, perhaps turning yours into an abusive relationship—he will likely move on by having affairs while nonetheless allowing you to play his faithful servant. Won’t it make you feel worse about yourself than ever, especially because while you might be trying to deny it, at another level you know that you are allowing yourself to be used? What if when you sense he is losing interest but hasn’t quite brought himself to walk through that door, you leave first?Indeed, your self esteem will take a nosedive because playing the role of doormat does that to people. You’re right, this might work to get him back if he likes to play the approach-avoidance dance.You remain full or fear or self doubt, and this keeps you engaged with this other person who likes to do the approach-avoidance dance. Assuming you are the female pursuer, he is apt to run faster and further as you move towards him.